What would Gran Turismo 7’s best cars look like if Kirby ate them?

Gran Turismo 7 launches on March 4, and nervous driving simulation enthusiasts are asking themselves a burning question: what would the game’s beautifully rendered cars look like if Kirby eat them? You haven’t watched it yet, but they’re definitely wondering about this.

That’s because Kirby and the Forgotten Land also came out in March and debuted its new suction ability: Mouth mode. This was memorably demonstrated when the pink fluff inhaled a car and transformed it into the most adorable horror shape I’ve ever seen. That same car is probably in Gran Turismo 7 (it has a three million dollar car, so the odds are in my favor), which means these games are a match made in … somewhere.

That’s why I took the liberty of scouring some of the GT7’s best cars (I think) to make Kirby eat them, thus putting our collective curiosity to bed once and for all. Well, this is what I chose to spend my hours on instead of doing something productive. I will be equal to you. I know nothing about cars or car culture. But I know for a fact that die-hard Gran Turismo fans are a easygoing people love the funny, hilarious shots from their favorite racing series. This one is for you.

Each entry includes a photo of the car and a professional-grade render of Kirby eating it. Click the arrows in each photo for an incredible before and after!

Alfa Romeo 8C 2900

Aside from revealing that “Alfa Romeo” is a great indie wrestler, I love the classy design of this car. Namely its long snout/hood. You would think Kirby would have a hard time getting rid of that thing but what a surprise! He manages well, and Alfa Romeo is better for that.

Alpine Vision Gran Turismo 2017

Obviously, this is not a real car and only exists in the game Gran Turismo. It’s good now; Believe it or not, Kirby isn’t real. Since the cockpit is skewed to the right, I think Kirby will follow suit by placing his peepers in the respective positions. I think this makeover proves that if the Alpine Vision ever went into production, selling it with a Kirby-themed car coating would send units off the assembly line.

ABARATH 1500 Biposto Bertone BAT 1’52

Abarath has a mile-long name and an unusual face with three headlights. Kirby, showing his adaptability, simply moves his eyes independently to the left and right lights, making him look like a gelatinous hammerhead shark or something . I bet he will also give off a pleasant pink glow when you light up that trio of lights. Who doesn’t want their luxury car to go? Super Saiyan Rose?

BAC Mono 2011

I really know this car because it is my main vehicle in Forza Horizon 5. Sorry, I’ve been told that uttering the word “F” in the same breath as Gran Turismo makes fans very uncomfortable for a number of reasons. The BAC Mono has a unique body shape and it is possibly the most expensive trip hazard in the world due to its low altitude. The way the pointed chair protrudes through Kirby’s figure looks painful, but I think this marriage benefits both sides.

Delorean DMC-12 2004

Hey, another car I recognize! The most famous time machine in the world (sorry, Which doctor? fans) looks even better with an outer layer of sentient pink fondant. Where is Kirby eating, he doesn’t need sugar! That makes limited sense, but I really need a Back to the future quote guys.


Ferrari 330 P4 ’67

One thing I know about Ferrari is the strict rules governing what you can do with one. The company basically forbids the owner from modifying or tampering with the car in any way in the name of keeping it clean, I guess. That’s why it would be interesting to see the horror on a Ferrari enthusiast’s face as Kirby lazes on one of these. However, Kirby still showed respect by leaving the Ferrari badge intact. I like this particular model because it reminds me of Mach 5 speed. Kirby should also devour him and turn into Racer Kirby or something.

Lamborghini Lambo V12 Vision Gran Turismo

I know I’ve been told I’m not up to the stuff in cars, but I have no clue that Lamborghini is in the business of making Batmobiles. Another concept car, no one knows when or if we’ll be able to get around one of these. Kirby has only one question about this: is it pink?

Now that I’ve painfully squeezed every drop of juice from this stupid premise, which Gran Turismo luxury car would you like to see Kirby absorb into his rosy form? On a scale from “silly” to “sad irony”, where does this article rank? Share your polite thoughts in the comments below!

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