Early in the pandemic, I lost touch with self-care. It’s like a college best friend that I’ve always loved and longed for but as life and time grew between us, it felt like all we had were memories until one day. someday we will be together again. I miss our wild nights on the dance floor followed by coffee-drinking parties in big black sunglasses like I missed out on trendy workouts. latest, beauty treatments, wellness experiments and green juice sips at Erewhon. But there is simply no way.
Like many moms in times of pandemic, there was little room for me for anything. I’ve got a 5 month old, a 2 year old, a job, a household and have no help but my husband, whose job is more demanding than mine. Between cleaning the grocery store with bleach (remember?), cooking everyone every meal, cleaning, laundry, breastfeeding, taking care of two young children, work, marriage and the extreme stress of 2020, my plate was full like a Thanksgiving helper, doubled. At the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is lift another finger, even if that finger is used to grab the mask and put it on my cheek. Anyway, it’s only a few hours until the baby cries for a feed and until then, I don’t need to do anything at all.
I became so distant from self-care that seeing the words on Instagram felt like an allergic reaction with the side effect of increased blood pressure. I guess you could say that I envy anyone who has time to themselves. I am also completely exhausted.
As the baby began to sleep through the night, helping me regain my sanity, he also started waking up very early. And it was on those early mornings, while the world was asleep, that I started taking her hiking to get her body moving and get some much-needed fresh air. This is my first truly consistent form of exercise since the pandemic began. During that one walk, somewhere between Fairfax and Laurel Canyon, with a child bound to his chest and wearing a face mask, I had a moment of definite calm and connection with the fact that I felt lowest I’ve ever felt. I have been pushed past my limit with very few ways to release and the only way I know how to help myself is to extend said limit. I decided to give up alcohol, a depressant that couldn’t serve me and one that took a lot of my energy away. I don’t drink much anyway, most nights, but need a glass of wine at the end of the day and so begins my journey of sober curiosity.
I went back to sleep, breathed in the fresh air and went for a morning walk, and my drinking-free period lasted from a few days to a few weeks and eventually a few months. These simple acts of self-care opened my limits in ways I needed and beyond what I could have imagined. This experience changed and reframed what self-care means to me. Before the pandemic, the way to take care of myself that I think focused on doing the most – exercise, hot saunas, cryotherapy, relaxation chambers, meditation, masks, long baths, skin care facials, massages, dinner with girlfriends, juices, travel, etc (all still important) – but this time, self-care is the basics. The basics allow me to be the best version of myself through one of the most challenging periods of our lives.
As it turns out, the Pinterest-worthy quote about rest, sunshine, water, fresh air, and exercise as the best medicine is 100% accurate. It doesn’t matter how many expensive masks an overlay on their skin or mediation apps are downloaded, without the fundamentals those quick fixes might not be of much help.
Has anyone else come out of the pandemic with this same awareness? I know it seems obvious but until I really NEED the basics for a real world crisis, I still don’t fully understand how important it is.
As for the other, hot extras that I love so much like a mask, I’ll never take that for granted again. Including the drink that I have every now and again.
