Lifestyle

The negative effects of a parenting book


The concept of a parenting advice book goes back to ancient times. While many parents find parenting books helpful, using parenting tips has a negative effect. A study published by a maternal and infant health researcher at Swansea University in 2017, found parenting reading can contribute to depressive symptoms in mothers. just gave birth.

Research specifically focused on parenting books advocates strict routines for infants; Parenting books often leave parents feeling worse than better.

The problem lies in the nature of the advice given. In fact, in the aforementioned study, mothers who previously agreed to the advice felt better, but most felt worse after receiving it.

Whether it’s crying babies, defiant toddlers or moody teenagers, most parents seek parental guidance in times of crisis. People want to be told what to do when they are unsure, and parenting books fill this need with directives. The point is that parenting is clearly more complicated and unpredictable; There is no simple solution.

How can a counseling book make a parent feel bad?

The higher the parenting value, the more one becomes responsible for the lives of others. Most parents look to experts or parenting books for simple step-by-step instructions on how to do it right. However, what a “parenting book” explains doesn’t always work. They fail to realize that raising others is a messy endeavor, that each child and parent is an individual with their own experiences, needs, and quirks.

According to one clinical psychologist, parenting books often provide tips and guidance without providing context, such as a child’s temperament or how a parent is trying to manage more. in their world versus parenting. Many parenting books are meant to remove the gray areas of parenting, such as how one strategy might work well for one of your children but not for a sibling. of them.

In other words, when the advice given doesn’t work for them, many parents believe themselves to be failures. When a book is premised on how its approach will make your life better, and then the prescriptive strategies don’t work, the reader feels like it’s their fault, the psychologist said. their. They have to make mistakes, or fail as parents, instead of finding flaws in advice. ”

Even books aimed at improving the parent-child relationship have a negative impact on parental happiness, resulting in children as well.

Parents who read books about parenting were found to have lost confidence and felt embarrassed. It affects the parents’ self-esteem, self-image and how they see themselves as parents. “However, shame can have a more negative effect on people in general and parents in particular. In addition, it can reduce curiosity and willingness to learn.

Parents who feel embarrassed about reading books or implementing real-life tips and tricks will see themselves as failures if they don’t achieve the life-changing effects that experts or authors promise. This self-blame exacerbates stress, driving them further away from being the parent they want to be.

Furthermore, the scientific claims in many parenting books are not always accurate. For example, one popular parenting book claims that infants have remarkable intellectual growth at specific stages of development. While it’s true that babies grow fast, this doesn’t happen at specific weeks. Instead, there is a lot of variation in how babies develop, both mentally and physically.

From learning about parenting methods to reassuring yourself that your child will be fine. There are many reasons why parents read parenting guides.

Throughout history, however, humanity has learned to raise children by watching mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and other caregivers raise infants or care for siblings themselves.

From a scientific point of view, the purpose of having children is to introduce more of the world’s variability, change, and difference. To have a generation that does things differently and in unexpected ways to adapt to new situations. Parents trying to follow the book and mold their children in a particular way, defeats the whole purpose of having children.

It’s different for every child, a hundred children will have a hundred different ways of understanding and working, and a hundred parenting styles trying to use one piece of advice for each child will detract from the uniqueness of each child. kid.

Maybe it’s time to ditch the parenting manual and try a different approach or find a better one. Most parenting books today recommend that parents cultivate empathy for their children. But do parents need books for that? In any case, a book should never influence a parent’s feelings towards their child. Both parents and children should be given equal time to grow together.

Just like a newborn baby is born, parents start a new life with their newborn and it’s not fair for parents to expect themselves to do things a certain way or to be perfect. Parents need to realize that they need to give themselves time to discover their own ways that not only work for their child, but also work for them. It is something that parents need to continue to do throughout their lives. A way that helped raise a child when he was 5 years old won’t work when he turns 15. Similarly, a way that helped when a child is 15 years old may not work when he turns 25. This is why it is important for you to be your own parenting guru.



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