If you have problems, email Caroline at [email protected]. Caroline reads all of your letters, but unfortunately she can’t reply to them one by one
My stepdaughter cut me off
Q I’m being falsely accused by my own daughter of sending her texts saying she didn’t mind her late father while he was alive. She said the texts said he was always complaining about her neglecting him and that since he passed away a year ago she couldn’t stay. away from home. I will never send messages like that. I have been married to her mother for 35 years and have always considered her as my own daughter. I always talk to her late father. I tried to meet her to see her ‘proof’, but she just yelled and yelled that I definitely sent the message. Now she won’t answer the phone for me or her mom, neither will she allowed us to visit or talk to our severely disabled grandson. This is affecting our health and well-being. We don’t know what to do or what our rights are – if any.
ONE I’m sorry to hear about this unpleasant situation with your stepdaughter. It’s terrible to be accused of something you didn’t do and the person doesn’t think of any other possibility. One wonders who would send such nasty messages but, other than that, her reaction was extreme and it looks like she’s still grieving.
She said I sent her nasty texts and wouldn’t let us see our grandson
Is it possible that these texts don’t exist and that she was devastated by the loss? Also, could they have been sent by someone with an ax to sharpen? Whether the texts are real or imaginary, she may be expressing guilt. It’s hard to feel that you’ve done enough for a dying parent, so maybe she’s taking offense by this.
If she neglected her father, perhaps the messages caused a connection. She may be angry with herself and blame you for her pain being too much to confront. Grief can cause people to behave in difficult ways. Sadly, she’s not willing to listen to you or her mother, so is there another family member or friend who can intervene?
Perhaps someone neutral could explain that it wasn’t really you who sent the message. They can tell her how sad you and her mom are that she is sad and unhappy. They might explain that you’d love to see her and continue to help her and her son. It must have been very painful for you and your wife to not be able to see your grandchild – and that’s not good for him. He must miss you too.
Unfortunately, grandparents do not have the automatic right to see their grandchildren in the UK but can apply to the court to be contacted. So contact Mrs.apart.co.uk to support and guide you through the process. Usually, the first step will be mediation. But I hope that, with the intervention, it won’t get to this point. You can also contact Family Lives (familylives.org.uk) or Family Action (family-action.org.uk) for help in reopening contact with her.
I’m struggling with my own life
Q I was widowed a year ago – we have been married for 50 years. Although my husband suffered from dementia and spent the last five months of his life in a nursing home, I still visit him daily and he remains a very important part of my life. Since he passed away, my life feels empty. I have hobbies and friends, but a lot of the hours are just spent by myself. I was consulted with Cruse, which helped. But no one knows how sad and lonely I am. How can I start enjoying life again?
ONE Adjusting to living alone after 50 years of marriage is a difficult thing to do. Dementia is a dangerous disease and you may have to spend several years taking care of your husband before he comes home, which will also have severe consequences. By nature, many of us are sociable creatures and need companionship, so I think you need a more lasting friend. Could you consider living with a friend? Or you can think about home-sharing schemes, where young people looking for affordable accommodation will match older adults living alone (try homeshareuk.org or shareandcare.co. uk). Having someone around can help – and sometimes strong friendships form. You might consider adopting a rescue cat or dog. The presence of another living organism in a home can make a big difference – as well as giving a sense of purpose. Also contact Age UK (ageuk.org.uk), the Silverline helpline (0800 470 8090) or the Royal Voluntary Service (royalvoluntaryservice.org.uk), which offer befriending services. Please see your GP, as you may be suffering from depression.
Source: | This article originally belonged to Dailymail.co.uk
