Health

QUESTION CAROLINE: I’m freaking out about him living with me


If you have problems, email Caroline at c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk.  Caroline reads all of your letters, but unfortunately she can't reply to them one by one

If you have problems, email Caroline at c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk.  Caroline reads all of your letters, but unfortunately she can't reply to them one by one

If you have problems, email Caroline at [email protected]. Caroline reads all of your letters, but unfortunately she can’t reply to them one by one

I’m panicking about him living with me

Q I am 60 years old and have been with my lovely partner for four years. I was previously married to a man who was very controlling I gave up my career to be able to go with him whenever he needed to move for his job. He didn’t like me going out alone and would accuse me of flirting or having an affair, even though I later found out he was in a few separate relationships.

Over the years, my world became smaller and my life focused on him. My confidence is at an all-time low. Then one day, he told me that he didn’t want to be with me anymore and had stopped loving me for a long time. I finally found the courage to leave. I returned to the place where I had grown up to be with my dying sister. Over time, I got a job, a house of my own and met my new partner – a very kind and caring man. I told him from the beginning that I never wanted to get married again. We see each other several times a week and he spends his weekends at my house.

After years of living in a controlling marriage, I needed time alone

However, Now he has decided to retire and wants to move in with me. He has to sell his house and divide half of it with his ex-wife – he can’t afford it or rent anywhere nice on their own. I’m panicking about us living together in this little house – my ‘safe haven’ – and I don’t know if I want someone to always be around. I still need alone time to do my own thing. I’m not ready to retire. I tried to talk told him about my worries but he just said it would all fine. Am I wrong to feel this way?

ONE I am so sorry about your sister’s death and the difficult time you went through in your first marriage. You did a great job rebuilding your life. It is not surprising that you are reluctant to give up your hard-won independence. It’s not wrong to feel this way. He seems to be a very different man from your husband and when he says things ‘will be fine’, chances are he is.

You may even find you quite enjoy having him around. However, he doesn’t quite listen to the power of your anxiety. So talk to him again and say you might be willing to give it a go provided you’ll need your own space and time. Explain that you want to keep working and doing some things without him, like seeing friends. Before he moves in, it’s important to negotiate how the space will work and, if possible, allocate some space just for you or a study that you can retreat to. . He also needs other activities and things to do, as he is a bit dependent on you.

I noticed that while you said you cared deeply for him, you didn’t mention love. Maybe subconsciously you are holding back this relationship as a way of self-protection. That’s understandable, but it’s possible that in doing so you’re missing out on a deeper emotional connection and a more fulfilling relationship, which is something that can be discovered during counseling. Try contacting rel.org.uk.

We can’t agree on the sale of the house

Q My partner and I are in our 60s with grown-up kids. We have been together for over 30 years. However, we have not been happy in the last 10 years. We agreed to separate over five years ago but she won’t sell our house because she wants to live in it. Equity is close to seven figures but she seems thought I should just leave with the clothes on my back. Last year, I agreed to accept a third of the value as payment, but because of her ingenuity, I missed the tax holiday and the property price. has increased. While I wanted a friendly solution, I didn’t want to run out of money after years of working to make it available to everyone.

ONE From your longer letter (some passages are for my eyes only), it is clear that you and your wife have endured considerable grief in the past. Sadly, I suspect this is where your relationship breakdown begins – and part of the reason why you can’t come to an amicable agreement now. Both of you are stuck. It may be too late to save the relationship, but it will help both of you talk about what happened, try to find a new empathy for each other, and make the breakup more friendly. You may need to do this through mediation, which can also help you come to an agreement on the home. It’s not that simple and you may need to consult an attorney if, for example, you need to force a sale. But you need a fair share and shouldn’t walk away with nothing. Contacting wikivorce.com is the first step, which can offer mediation and legal advice along with emotional support.

Source: | This article originally belonged to Dailymail.co.uk



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