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Opinion | Your Childhood Home Is in Front of You. Do You Go In?


It is perhaps not surprising, then, that Americans spend so much time writing, thinking, and singing about past places and our elusive origins. Thomas Wolfe insisted that we would never really be able to go home again. (To be fair, – the British – Moody Blues.) Bruce Springsteen not only sang “My Hometown” and “My Father’s House“But also used to drive past one of my childhood homes in Freehold, NJ, several times a week, after dark. (Imagine: In the tiniest hours of your suburban night, you wake up, drowsy, go down to the kitchen for a glass of milk, pull the curtain aside, and discover the Boss rolling past.)

When online satellite maps were introduced, the first thing I looked for was my childhood home. Many of my friends say the same, and as a pilot I can also report that the magic of flight is renewed for me every time I look down – not long after midnight, for example. flight from Mexico City to Heathrow – on the entangled and dimly lit neural lights of my first sleeping city.

The reasons we seek to revisit our first homes – in our imagination, online, from 37,000 feet or by reaching out to current occupants who you’ve got a mailing address – just as diverse as people are looking for. Springsteen, for example, was not wrong with the psychotherapist’s assessment that behind his nocturnal drives gave the subconscious hope of curing something long amiss in the house.

Vincenzo Di Nicola, an Italian-Canadian writer and child and family psychologist at the University of Montreal, has both personal and professional reasons to ponder our desire to return. At the age of 25, he went to the house in Collarmele, in the Abruzzo region, east of Rome, where he left with his mother at the age of 6. may try (successfully, it turns out) to lead them back to their old home. Once inside, he marvels at the pure changes – the larger rooms have been subdivided and added running water – as well as the power of memories reinvigorated by location and presence. “My father abandoned my mother,” he told me. “Being in the house is to revisit her life and our pain.”

He sometimes recommends a patient or a friend return to their childhood home, albeit only after taking some precautions. The most important of these is to have a trusted person – who can create space for your reaction without exaggerating – to come with you, especially if you associate your home with violence or other serious injury. In general, he advises, one’s return home can be meaningful, and the timing of the direction in itself is often auspicious. “When it happens to you naturally, it almost always represents something,” he says. “Listen to that inner voice. If you feel it, you should do it.”

However, it is likely that nothing will happen, or at least not immediately. “Our culture makes us start moving, and then all of a sudden there’s a bright moment,” he said. “But not everyone has a Rosebud moment. Things are usually not tied together and the best thing you can do is be at peace with it and move on. Some things are still intact. “



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