Opinion | A 50/50 Custody Arrangement Could Save Your Marriage

Don’t litigate it every week. It can feel transactional to chart it all on the calendar, but doing so can also be liberating. That’s how my co-parenting schedule works. We are flexible when any of us need it or want it, but for the most part, we set it up and forget it.

And remember: A husband preparing lunch for the kids is not “helping” his wife. He is raising his children. A husband who washes clothes every other week is not “housework” for his wife. He is an adult.

My 50/50 parenting colleagues confirm that, for the first time, they feel their ex-husbands are giving them their fair share. As divorced fathers, they were forced – not by grumpy evilnot by couples therapist, but by law and necessity – managing a household, taking care of children and themselves.

Every divorced woman I know is happier after getting married, even those who didn’t instigate or want to break up. This is not unusual: A 2007 study found that women are not as “negatively affected” as men by divorce. Although women were more likely to experience a significant drop in income, the researchers found that in the first years after divorce, “Life satisfaction for women is significantly more positive than for women. with men. Imagine that.

My group conversations are intuitive and research shows that household inequality can lead to domestic despair. Research insists that “The division of labor in the family of couples has serious consequences for the quality of the relationship. An unequal distribution of housework has been linked to depression, marital dissatisfaction and divorce.” These unequal distributions tend to favor men, you won’t be surprised to hear. Researcher Brigid Schulte have shown that “just having a man in the house tends to increase load for women – Mothers with children together do more housework and childcare than single mothers. “

inside only rich country no nationally guaranteed paid leave, in a country where childcare is affordable not a political priorityand school districts of major cities cannot get enough government funding To run at normal capacity, we also have unreasonably high expectations for what parents – let’s face it, really, moms – are supposed to be.

Mothers subjugating their egos to serve their families is nothing new. But for those of us who were raised with promise equality between the sexeswomen who are educated with careers and ambitions, the disconnect between that illusion and our reality, combined with utter mental and physical exhaustion, can lead to burnout, shutdown and finally, Crisis exists. Perhaps unsurprisingly Women tend to get divorced more often than men.


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