Lifestyle

My husband has an affair with his boss


Query: I think my husband is having an affair with his manager woman. He keeps her a priority and cancels any commitments or family emergencies if she wants him around. She’s the one who’s divorced and that worries me even more. I fear for our relationship.

Answer by Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh: It can be a very insecure feeling to think that your partner might be having an affair. You may experience a range of emotions, however, the situation can be handled skillfully by simply adopting some effective strategies. Some of them are discussed below.

Talk to your partner. While it can be painful to talk about your relationship with your partner, it’s important to be able to ask questions so you can gauge exactly what happened. Find somewhere private to talk where you won’t be interrupted. If you don’t feel ready to talk together, you may want to consider Relationship Counseling, where you’ll have a safe and confidential space to discuss things.

Avoid interrupting what your partner is saying. Let him/her finish before answering. You’re sure to be shocked and upset, but try not to start screaming or rushing out of the room.

Ask your partner to tell you the truth, no matter how painful. Recovery from an affair is always worse if lies are told early on.

Ask questions if you need to, but try to stay focused on the facts. For example, you could ask how long the relationship has been and what your partner wants to happen now. The most pressing question for many is ‘why?’ but sometimes a partner can’t tell you this right away and his/her perspective often changes over time. Avoid asking questions like ‘Are they better than me in bed?’ You may want to talk about this later, but you’re better off determining the facts first.

Avoid immediately blaming your spouse, partner, or yourself. It may seem tempting to insult your partner or call out their cheating partner by name, but this often gets in the way of true understanding. You should also resist self-blame. You may wonder if your brief actions are causing the relationship, but while you are both responsible for your relationship, you can never be responsible for it. partner choices. Infidelity can never be the ‘fault’ of a faithful partner.

Take the time to think about what you want to happen next. Once you’ve identified the facts, if your partner decides to end the relationship and recommit to your relationship, take it slow. You will need to consider whether you can forgive the breach of trust and you may not have all the information to make that decision. Only after talking and determining the reasons for the relationship can you decide. However, you can say that you are willing to work with your partner and try to understand why this is happening. At this point, you may find it helpful to talk to a Relationship Advisor, who can work with both to determine your next steps.

Determine what you need from your partner. It’s important to establish what you look for in your partner. Whatever it may be, you have to try to figure out what works best for you and what will give you the most respite and comfort during this tumultuous time. It could be a breakup, a time out, the end of a relationship, or forgiveness.

Try not to make decisions in a split second. When you become aware of reality, it is natural for you to feel angry, hurt, emotional, and sad. Try not to make decisions in that emotional state as they tend to be volatile and irrational. It is important that you think about your decision with a head of calm.

Dr Rachna Khanna Singh is HOD – Holistic Medicine, Artemis Hospital, Gurgaon, Relationship, Lifestyle & Stress Management Specialist

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