Before we dive into this, let’s address one thing. We all know back seat afterward Subaru BRZ humorously small. They were made in a world for those without legs and without heads and is primarily meant as a place to throw used Juul pods. I know this. You know this. However, there were three people who didn’t know this until yesterday.
Meet Patrick, Nitant and Brian. They are three full-sized adult men who are also my friends. One very important thing to know about them: they know nothing about cars. In fact, only one of them has a driver’s license, and he got it about a month ago.
So you can imagine their surprise when I pulled BRZ that I’m testing and tell them to join. At first, they didn’t believe me that it was four seats, but no problem. They got in. That’s the easy part. What’s Next has gotten much worse.
You see, three out of four of us are over 6 feet tall. Only poor Pat is below that number, come at 5’8″. We are big boys. That’s it. Like I said, getting in is easy. But When we had to push the seat back to sit in the front, something went wrong. We can’t all fit… but led to some positions only suitable for the Kama Sutra for Pat and Nitant (backseat passenger) to take over. Anyway, we’re in, and the door was closed.
People always talk about how small the rear seats of this car are, but no one really went far in testing it. I love my friends, but not enough to keep them from hurting.
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About two minutes into our drive, with Patrick’s knee somewhere near my left ear, he reports that his entire leg has completely fallen asleep. Nitant, at the same time, says that his neck is beginning to hurt because his noggin is pressed up against the rear glass. Not too long after that, Brian also begins to complain about how his foot is growing a bit numb due to the fact it’s jammed up against the firewall in the passenger’s footwell. But regardless, we must press on.
At this point you’re probably wondering where we were going that made all of this worth it. Well, wonder no more. We were going to an Outback Steak restaurant. None of us have been to one in over a decade, so we thought now was a better time than ever to check out what it’s all about. Spoiler alert: I have severe heartburn.
Anyway, back to the car. And again, we all know the backseat is cramped.
The boys’ limbs were finally completely paralyzed when we pulled into the Edgewater, New Jersey parking lot, where we were waiting for our Australian meatloaf. This is where things get interesting.
Me, because I’m the driver and also the main character, I’ve been sitting mostly in the normal driving position the whole time, so I’m more or less okay. But, when you guys got out of the car – it’s an extremely slow process – The true wounds of their battle began to show. All three walked through the parking lot limping, shaking their legs and arms in an attempt to regain meaningful circulation.
We went inside, enjoyed 5/10 of our meals (they ran out of potatoes for some reason) and then realized we would have to make that trip again.
Too bad for them.
You see, this is what we do here at Jalopnik. Everyone else will tell you that the rear seats of the Subaru BRZ are small, but only we can tell you with absolute certainty that the rear seats of the Subaru BRZ are so small that your friends will limp. and forced to eat Bloomin’ onions.
