Unless you’re decked out in blue, there’s an overwhelming sense of injustice in the Premier League this season. We’ve got the richest club in the world, with the best manager, the best squad, possibly the best passer in the world, and we’ll just add a good finisher. most there. Since it’s come together so quickly this season, you can’t help but wonder why anyone would bother (and it feels like only Arsenal are, and with serious questions about how they can how much longer). It feels like trying to beat your brother, but in real life it’s not just video games. The world is crumbling around you constantly.
Manchester City’s Erling Haaland has weathered most people’s worst nightmares, so over-the-top and mocking that it’ll probably just pop around all over again and you’ll simply stare in awe. marvel at the numbers and ferocity.
The first is the numbers. Haaland scored his third consecutive hat trick at the Etihad against Manchester United today. He was the first to ever do it. Here’s something galactic stupidity:
Smash your brain into the mess even more:
The record for most goals in a Premier League season is held by Mo Salah 32. Haaland reached 44% of the way there. The season has not yet been a quarter. Salah also set the British record for most goals in all competitions in a season with 44 goals. Haaland has 17 goals, and that’s October 2. The domestic cup competitions haven’t even started against Man City, and there are only two Champions League matches. The mind spinning with numbers can end.
It’s just a statistics table. Knowing the numbers is not nearly the whole story. Watching Man City, especially when they are brimming with life, doesn’t have a heavier sense of impending doom. Most have been this way over the past few seasons, but there is still some hope that they can find a way to hit one of those glorious opportunities they have consistently created. The brief flickering light, of any kind to avoid sinking into the abyss, has been discarded in the most evil fashion. You know exactly where it is going, and everyone is powerless to stop it.
The temptation is to assume that Haaland is merely ending easy opportunities, but no one still says that, and they are a few, that actually believe it. The instinct to be in the right place at the right time, the sense of time and space, just can’t be taught. If it was possible, everyone would do it. Fuck, we could make the USMNT’s Jesus Ferreira that way in November if it’s that easy.
Received Haaland’s second goal today. At first glance it seems easy:
And it must be said: De Bruyne’s pass is sexually explicit. But De Bruyne has acted in porn throughout his City career. United’s Raphael Varane knows Haaland is there and he is the only priority. However, Haaland continued to find just enough space. Sure, Haaland is leading 6-3, but there are plenty of tall strikers. Haaland gets to the ground a beat earlier than you might expect, which puts him in a position to make sure contact with a pass that is fading away from him, and one you see most players just get a toe. He does this all the time. His magic goal against Dortmund was no different.
His hat trick goal:
Again, this looks strangely simple, and the construction is subtle (with some people immediately giving up on helping). But Haaland makes it look easy. This ball is hit at him, and controlling to easily sweep it on target is not just routine. How many of these have you seen put into orbit? There’s no doubt what Haaland will do with it.
It used to be that Haaland had a bad header, or he contributed nothing but us scoring. Well, his first goal was a header today, and he got two assists. So that’s fun.
Your humble reporter once wrote about Haaland joining City that it was scary, but how much better could City really be? They get 90 or more points in a season and have scored around or over 100 goals. Do they really score 150? Of course, I and anyone else who said so did it out of fear, convincing ourselves that it wasn’t going to happen. Well, they’re clocking 138 in the league right now.
We are all King Theodin. “What can men do against such hatred?” (Right, Two towers was shown on TV last night.)
