I was recently chatting with a colleague whose son has just started ninth grade at a new school. He has a close group of friends in elementary and middle school. Now, at 14, he’s starting over, a new kid trying to make new friends.
My colleague describes how she coached her son through the difficult process of finding his man, telling him it takes time, that it can be uncomfortable for a while. time.
We agree that this particular discomfort is not limited to teenagers. “Every time you have a shift, you have to relearn,” she said. That change could be starting a new job, moving to a new city, returning to direct work, getting used to life after a divorce.
As children, we had schools and, with luck, some combination of parent-negotiated play days, sports teams and after-school activities that facilitate making friends. Despite the discomfort of having to find a new group for lunch, your environment has been adapted to cultivating new relationships.
But once we leave formal school, we don’t find ourselves in groups or situations like this often. Advice for adults who want to make friends is to regularly join a club, find a group of people who are suitable for the field that you love. We have to find the adult equivalent of a sandbox, a place where people are oriented to make connections.
Finding running clubs or knitting circles is an administrative part of friendly. The bigger challenge is overcoming the awkwardness and fear of rejection that we might think we’ve left behind in the high school cafeteria. Marisa Franco, a psychologist and author of the book “Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make – and Keep – Friends” recently spoke to The Times about strategies for overcoming such anxieties. She mentioned a few theories about the motivation to meet new people that I find particularly compelling.
Like distance: We tend to underestimate the self-esteem of others. Dr Franco said: “When strangers interact, they are often more liked by others than they think.
Prophecy accepted: “When people assume that other people like them, they tend to become more warm and friendly,” she says. And that caused the others to respond enthusiastically in turn.
The theory of gravity inferred: People tend to like people they think like them. “So the more you can show people that you like and value them, the better,” says Dr. Franco.
Do you find yourself in a situation where you are trying to make new friends as an adult? How does it happen? Tell me about it.
WEEK IN CULTURE
📺 “Nothing can compare” (Sunday): In her 2021 profile of musician Sinead O’Connor, my colleague Amanda Hess wrote that O’Connor was so popular in the early ’90s that “the size of her skull seems to have engraved deep in the public mind.” They were definitely written to me, after countless views converted to Music Video “Nothing Compares 2 U”. This new Showtime documentary, which examines O’Connor’s rise to fame and years in the spotlight, is a compelling portrait of an artist and her cultural legacy.
🍿 “Bros” (now released): Billy Eichner co-wrote and executive producer of this romantic comedy, in which he plays a longtime lone podcast host who has a relationship with a buff lawyer who’s always nostalgic. suspicious of relationships like Eichner’s character. In her review for The Times, Amy Nicholson called the film “semisweet, sex queer valentineAnd the trailer is full of witty quotes that I’m planning on buying a ticket for this weekend.
Marcella Hazan’s Roast Chicken With Lemon
The weather in New York changed rapidly this week, kicking off the roast chicken season. Arguably, you don’t really need a recipe to grill chicken – just salt it, bake it in a hot oven and then remove it when golden and bone-in. But Recipe by Marcella Hazan there is a change. She skewered a few lemons and stuffed them into the cavity of the chicken before grilling. Lemon gives aroma to the drippings, forming a sauce that blends into the meat. There are dozens of recipe notes with additional ideas (garlic, thyme, onion, etc.) – and as well as many that say don’t change a thing. However, the cold nights will last a while, giving you plenty of time to experiment. With roasted chicken, it’s hard to go wrong.
A selection of New York Times recipes is available to all readers. Please consider it Register to cook for full access.
Clemson vs. North Carolina State, college football: These two top 10 teams, considered the best at the Atlantic Coast Games, will go head to head in a full-fledged match that will leave a home with the first loss. No 5, Clemson was on the verge of a dramatic two-over-time win over Wake Forest, perhaps the best match of the career for Clemson full-back DJ Uiagalelei. 10 NC State boasts a solid defense and a win in last year’s meeting. But this year, Clemson is playing at home, which has not lost since 2016. Tonight at 7:30 Eastern on ABC.