I know I’m not alone in saying that I couldn’t help laughing with the entire PGA-LIV game, which took a new turn yesterday when deeply distressed golfers were banned from the PGA Tour. for running away to Blood Money Laundered “R” Us sued the PGA Tour. It’s a total pain to watch a bunch of rich old white guys get annoyed by a bunch of rich, old white guys who are only followed by rich, white guys. It’s like the boring inverse of Zappa’s definition of rock press.
The highlight of the lawsuit, and a clear sign that these people have no sense of self or shame, is that the LIV golfers are arguing that they were “injured” by the actions of the PGA. This after they all received $100 million in appearance fees just to appear, if not more. So you can’t play in a certain league? That $100-filled pool would make an incredibly nice cushion for your fall. However, pay no attention to the migrant workers buried under there.
There are no sympathetic characters here, and what makes it funny is that none of them seem to realize it. I really want Phil Mickelson to show up in front of the courtroom, with his world-class pretty face, and try to make anyone feel sorry for him. Oh, you can’t play in The Masters anymore, that you crouched because you don’t want to answer a question from a press that’s always hungry to lick your ass? Phil here, let me show you how much my ass bleeds for you. Put these two parties before any reasonable jury and they will find both parties guilty or liable.
The Saudis taking the place in the world’s smallest violin are claiming that because of the PGA sanctions and threats, they had to pay so much for players to show up for their bloody and oiled big party that they might not be able to continue the tour as planned . Once you shell out $200 million to get a walking peanut like Mickelson to march on your behalf, you’re giving away the game where your gang is bottomless.
This is like going to the zoo to see gorillas slam into each other, except you don’t have to get out of your chair and you hope they can choke on it too. This is one of those “Oh, for a well-placed ICBM” game.