Kano couple bucks trend in Nigeria’s ‘divorce capital’

A couple living in Nigeria’s “divorce capital” are being praised for their long marriage as they celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

Mahmud Kabir Yusuf and Rabiatu Tahir told the BBC the secret to their happiness and why so many marriages fail in the northern city of Kano, in a video that has received a lot of comments.

Mr. Yusuf attributed this to his wife’s generous nature.

“She is a very forgiving person and has overlooked many things that have contributed to the success of our marriage,” the 76-year-old told BBC Hausa.

This makes Tahir, who is in her sixties, smile. The couple have 13 children together – and she praises her husband’s ability to stay calm in the face of the difficulties that every family faces.

“He is very patient and I feel that is the key to our success,” she said.

The couple said they love and respect each other – and it was clear they enjoyed each other’s company, laughing and joking several times throughout the interview.

For Hassana Mahmud, it was a revelation. The 39-year-old divorcee has been married five times and was impressed with the couple and their obvious contentment.

“In all my marriages, I’ve only spent four years with my partner – so it’s been lovely to see them celebrate this milestone on social media,” she said.

“My husbands were all kind and thoughtful during the courtship but changed after marriage,” said the mother of four.

“I feel bad every time I hear people calling Kano the ‘divorce capital of Nigeria’, I hope things will change,” she added.

Kano was branded this after divorce rates began to rise in the 1990s and the city has yet to shake off this unwanted label.

Hundreds of marriages break up every month in Nigeria’s most populous state, whose capital is Kano, the commercial hub of the north.

In 2022, research conducted by the BBC in conjunction with local authorities found that 32% of marriages in Kano state lasted only three to six months.

The study also revealed that some people between the ages of 20 and 25 have gone through three marriages.

The scale of the split is a concern – particularly for Hisbah, a state-funded Islamic body in Kano that deals with moral issues and enforces Sharia, or Islamic law, in the state.

It has a police unit that enforces things like segregation in public places and a ban on alcohol for Muslims, who make up the majority of the population. It also has a counselling service primarily to help struggling couples.

It is common to see long lines of women lining up outside offices to complain that their ex-husbands are not helping with child support.

Kano people tend to marry early – often before the legal age of 18.

Others feel that Islam’s easy divorce method may be a factor, as husbands can simply tell their wives, “I divorce you,” or write it on a piece of paper and it’s over. Today, a message sent on social media is enough to end a marriage.

Aminu Daurawa works for Hisbah to address the high divorce rate. One of their solutions is to give people a second chance and better prepare them for married life.

The agency organizes mass marriages, called “Auren Zawarawa”, mainly for divorced people – acting as a matchmaker on a large scale.

Hundreds of newlyweds, who were given lavish weddings, were also given small sums of money to help them start businesses and cover other household needs.

The initiative began in 2012 – although Mr Daurawa admits divorce rates remain high.

“We know about that problem – that’s why we set up a committee to check each couple after marriage so we don’t get information before that. [same] results,” he said.

But Hadiza Ado, founder of the Women and Children Initiative NGO, said divorce rates continued to rise.

“We currently receive up to 30 matrimonial cases a day at our various offices,” she told the BBC.

“Nigeria’s struggling economy is the top reason right now.

“Husbands go out to earn a living and sometimes come home empty-handed, which causes rifts.”

The use of matchmaking services is very popular in Kano because in Muslim society, single people are not allowed to mate, thus making it difficult to find potential partners.

The only place where the genders mix is ​​in college or other higher education institutions, where most people do not attend.

When people are paired together, they often get married knowing almost nothing about each other.

In fact, Mahmud Kabir Yusuf and Rabiatu Tahir were introduced as young men by an elderly woman in the neighborhood.

She was the one who felt they would make a great couple – but they didn’t get married until 12 years later, giving them plenty of time to get to know each other.

One man with a reputation for successful matchmaking says that’s the key.

“A lot of investigation needs to be done before the marriage to know the people involved,” Rabiu Ado told the BBC.

He became a matchmaker 10 years ago. The 46-year-old had no intention of becoming a marriage broker, even though that was his mother’s job.

He was working as a truck driver when his friends complained about his difficulty in finding a partner.

After making a few successful introductions, he realized he had a knack for the family business.

Now he has billboards advertising his services – and gets between one and five clients a day. He interviews them and learns their attitudes and expectations. Men generally want a woman who can make money and women want a man who is rich.

“Many people enter marriage with the wrong mindset, which is why they feel disappointed after a while.”

He said he has performed about 500 marriages over the past decade, with a success rate of more than 90%.

He advises couples to take time to get to know each other well before getting married.

Mr Ado, whose nickname is “Mai Dalili” meaning “The One Who Makes It”, said the high number of divorces meant some people did not take marriage seriously.

“I feel the reason why the divorce rate in Kano is high is because people feel like I can always find someone else after a divorce.”

Muslim cleric Abdullahi Ishaq Garangamawa defends the ease with which Muslims can divorce.

“Islam is very merciful and doesn’t make marriage or divorce difficult so people aren’t locked up when things don’t work out,” he told the BBC.

“In the past, we didn’t have so many divorces because our parents had been married for decades. But recently, people have started to exploit this process for their own personal gain,” he said.

“But in essence, unlike some other religions that believe divorce is inevitable no matter the situation, Islam legalizes divorce when things get out of hand.”

Mr Yusuf, who used to work for the now-defunct Nigeria Airways, said sharing life’s hardships and helping each other played a key role in his long-standing partnership with Ms Tahir.

“Love is also key because when you love each other sincerely, you tend to stay together for a long time.

“My advice to people about to get married is not to marry for selfish reasons but to marry with sincere intentions.”

His wife agreed, adding: “My advice is that people who want to get married must be patient with each other – if one of them gets angry, the other must stay calm.”

Additional reporting by Abba Awwalu