‘I’m afraid to tell my spouse’: I used up my credit card numbers and owed $100,000 due to my gambling addiction. Can you help?

My salary is in the low six-figure range, but I also receive additional monthly income as a disabled veteran. We, as a family, tend to live beyond our means, but I amplify that with the evidence of my secret addiction. I used up all the cash advances on my credit cards, and between those cash advances and my lifestyle purchases, I was nearly $100,000 in debt.

I had an equity line of credit on our house, and I pulled out and lost another $10,000 from it. I was extremely tempted to withdraw another $7,000 to $8,000 to get it all back and deposit $20,000 into the account. Just typing this makes me realize how desperate and stupid this sounds.

I was afraid to tell my spouse because I was sure that the divorce would be discussed immediately, and rightly so. Although my spouse also tends to spend beyond their means, I feel my addiction is much worse and will eventually lead to the collapse of my family, lifestyle and real estate. any chance of a future relationship I may have with my spouse and children.

I don’t know where to start or how to share it with them. I attended an online Anonymous Gambler meeting so far, but I left there feeling worse. Please advise what you think the best course of action should be. I appreciate your time.

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Also see: My father established a trust fund for my struggling sister and asked me to act as a trustee. I don’t want to disappoint him. What could go wrong?

Dear HRB,

Anything you do in secret will lead you to an even worse place, and no matter what you think today or tomorrow is the end, it can always get worse. So don’t wait until you hit some ideas that you probably have from the bottom. The only way you can deal with this addiction is to illuminate it. You need to free yourself from secrets and shame.

You can do that by continuing to attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings. They’re not designed to help you feel better after a meeting – they’re there to provide group support, a safe space, and tools to help you accept that you have a problem and that you don’t care. Work through your addiction, and acknowledge that you’re actually willing to take the necessary steps to deal with it.

Ask others in the group how they told their families. It is important that you have the support of your family and that you tell your spouse about the financial situation you are facing so that you can work together to find a way out of it. Your spouse may be angry with you, but eventually both of you will need to get to a place where you can make amends and start paying your debts.

There are several approaches you can take to pay off your debt. The “debt avalanche method” starts with the debt with the highest interest rate (e.g. credit cards), while the “snowball method” starts with paying off the smallest loans as quickly as possible. . Or you can do a combination of the two. What you need is a realistic action plan to keep you motivated. Read more about that This.

You have an illness, but you are not alone. An estimated 2 million adults in the United States are addicted to gambling, while another 4 million to 6 million adults are thought to have a mild or moderate gambling problem, according to the report. National Council on Gambling. And for every gambling addict, 7 to 20 other people are affected.

Here’s the good news: You’ve admitted that you have a problem. It’s huge. Some people never take that first step. So praise yourself for doing it, and use motivation to invite support into your life. Mayo Clinic outlines three avenues: behavioral and cognitive therapy, medication (antidepressant/mood stabilizer) and group therapy. The The Department of Veterans Affairs also has mental health resources that you may find useful.

Sit down with your spouse and a financial advisor, review your debts and arrange them in order of importance – consider interest rates and maturity dates, and whether the debts are insured. guaranteed or unsecured. Make a repayment plan and find out if you can consolidate any of these debts. The National Credit Advisory Fund And Credit.org are two nonprofits that can help.

You have this problem alone, but you cannot fix it alone. If you take one thing away from this letter, please let it be.

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