Look, normally in this space in the morning, I would have to talk about the Canadian Hockey chair pulling the chair “Not all men!” act before the Canadian parliament. Or a few owners in the NWSL give up the “day-to-day” operation of their team, but don’t sell their team and disappear into the cave where they belong because we had a report that they were Directly involved in the protection and support of real monsters and will soon receive another one. And we will achieve all of that. But for now, we need a little fun.
Because damn it, it’s time again for Katmai National Park Fat Bear Weekand we have a dynasty to hold on to!
Sometimes you have to turn your back on this ugly world and bask in the joys of bears that can’t do anything but eat pasfew more months, and we’re all set to wake up by going to bed for the next four to six hours. Damn, how good does it sound now? You won’t even hear the word Jon Heyman in hibernation!
It’s hard to find any creatures living their best lives like these bears, and instead of being jealous, we can vicariously live through them thanks to Fat Bear Week. Perhaps if we focus we can also know what it feels like to eat a quarter of your weight on your favorite food every day. Maybe, in just one day, I can lose 50 pounds lengua tacos, but in a whole summer? I will never know such gluttony and mercenary! Led Zeppelin didn’t know such things in 1974!
And we have an old standby to go later in Otis. He is your reigning Fat Bear champion, his fourth crown. He will be 5th this fall. He has to adjust his game, like any aging champion nearing the end of their reign. The game adjusts, it changes and the opponents know what to expect after a while. At some point, you have to find a new path.
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His teeth aren’t what they used to be, and more than ever when driving to the roundabout, he has to find his place on the floor to let the trout get to him. Maybe he can’t control the game with sheer power like he used to. But will he be able to hit all the notes correctly when the time comes? You bet your damn ass he can! 62 pounds of salmon in one sitting! It’s Jordan’s double nickel in the Post-Retirement Garden, damn it!
Yes, I’m a freak who comes from the dynasties. I want to see the best be the best, and be rewarded for being the best, not get lucky on some hearth after messing through the regular season, or just not being so good. Gold and flags are said to be for immortals, legends. You do everything right, you will win. Flipping is for losers.
Vote Otis. Otis is king, Otis is game because it’s meant to be played. And honestly, Otis needs more rings than Lebron. You know it, I know it, the American people know it.
