Entertainment

‘Cocaine bear’ misses a nation’s cult status


“Cocaine Bear” has a problem “Snakes on airplanes” that never go away.

That 2006 outing rocked the ideology for months. And then we watched the movie itself, a mediocrity created by Samuel L. Jackson’s ‘tude’.

The gimmick cannot support an actual movie.

“Cocaine Bear,” inspired by real events, seems like a super bet. Comedy! Work! A bear coked-out on the loose!

What could go wrong? A lot, and it’s a reminder that even the best pitches in Hollywood need to be watched.

“Cocaine Bear” opens with a wink and a nod. We get a Wikipedia quote about bears, followed by the “Just Say No” drug campaign from the 80s run by former First Lady Nancy Reagan.

The tone is concise and self-aware, and it impresses. So does the setup, bringing together the innocent and the rogues who encounter the famous bear.

The great Margo Martindale is a hard-talking ranger looking to woo a visiting animal expert (a barely recognizable Jesse Tyler Ferguson of “Modern family” fame). Their meeting is interrupted by runaway teenagers, a determined cop, and drug dealers looking for packages of cocaine dropped from the sky by a drug runner. destiny.

A massive black bear gets the lost cocaine first, and the film’s rich CGI shows what happens when an animal of that size flies too high, too fast.

[The actual bear the film is based on died after snorting too much product]

The cocaine bear attacks anything in its line of sight, meaning the “Cocaine Bear” sheds a lot of blood. Limbs flew, characters hissed their last breaths and we could see every last drop of red stuff.

Director Elizabeth Banks (“Charlie’s Angels,” “Pitch Perfect 2”) keeps the tone as light as possible with macabre details.

So far, very attractive. It’s a B-movie with mediocre dialogue, but it’s unleashing its pop culture potential.

More or less.

However, the bear’s killing requires a victim, and this is where the “Cocaine Bear” fails in its job. The cast is full of “characters,” larger-than-life types intended to give a cinematic spike.

Except no one can pass the test.

Alden Ehrenreich can’t make us forget Harrison Ford in “Solo,” and he’s equally overwhelmed playing a soft-hearted criminal here. His sobbing character doesn’t produce a single laugh, and he’s not alone.

Old professionals like Keri Russell, wasted as the mother of a pre-adolescent child, and Isiah Whitlock Jr. as the determined detective, arranging the best relationship possible. It’s Mission: Impossible, and there’s no Tom Cruise around to save the situation.

The laughter in the first act wears off, and we’re left with bland characters moving around the forest while waiting for the bear’s next attack. Even Ray Liotta, in what could be his last performance, failed to make his drug lord worthy of our attention.

The only actor to emerge unscathed was O’Shea Jackson, cast as a drug dealer who puts survival above profit.

The last thing a movie like “Cocaine Bear” has to be is dull, but the script delivers. The film’s silly edge fades, and we’re left with a bunch of heroes, villains, and people who can fall into either faction.

Where is the advantage, the excitement of the camp that we promised?

A movie like “Cocaine Bear” would be a… high success. Instead, the third act goes on endlessly making us forget how much fun this “Bear” must have been in the first place.

Hit or miss: “Cocaine Bear” rapidly rose to prominence before its release before succumbing to a generic, even bland narrative rhythm.

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