ASK CAROLINE: She’s over 40 years old… can we date

If you have problems, email Caroline at  Caroline reads all of your letters, but unfortunately she can't reply to them one by one

If you have problems, email Caroline at  Caroline reads all of your letters, but unfortunately she can't reply to them one by one

If you have problems, email Caroline at [email¬†protected]. Caroline reads all of your letters, but unfortunately she can’t reply to them one by one

She’s over 40 years old… can we date

Q I am a man in my 20s and live with my parents. Each Every week I take them to a local coffee shop where they meet friends a catch up. Recently, I was parking my car when a friend of my parents pulled up. The driver, a woman in her 60s, stopped her car and when she got out her skirt pulled up over her thighs to reveal her amazing legs. Since then, I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind. I thought about asking her out for a drink, but I was too shy do this. I also wonder what my parents would do when I was attracted to someone their age.

ONE It is also possible that you did not ask her because I was afraid that this would not have the desired result. She may have been flattered and rejected, but she can easily feel embarrassed – and the dilemma can have an adverse effect (for a shy person) on her self-esteem. friend.

I think your parents, as you might guess, are not going to be pleased when you date someone their age in their circle of friends. The reality of being in a relationship – if that’s what you expect – with a woman over 40 it will almost certainly be short-lived. You are at completely different stages of your life and in the end there is very little room for it to progress. However, I think it’s probably not the specific woman you’re really attracted to, just her sexy legs and what they show – a very natural desire for girlfriends and relationships. sexual system.

Since you’re still living with your parents and are shy, I’m guessing that you might not have many relationships yet, or maybe any at all. Of course, that’s a good thing in many ways because life isn’t a race and there’s no shame in being a virgin in your 20s. Everyone has to go at their own pace and this can be a tough time. But the lack of a girlfriend is making you unhappy.

There are sexual feelings that you want to explore but cannot lack the opportunity that can lead to real feelings of loneliness. Especially if your coworkers are more successful with their love lives. You may be suffering from social anxiety. So consider getting counseling and support to find the confidence to make friends and ask girls out. Contact or, charities supporting mental health for young people. You can also join, a digital mental health platform that gives you access to an online community of peers and mentors.

I think it’s really helpful to talk about all of your feelings. Perhaps in time, moving out of your parents’ home will help you become more independent. But please forget this woman. Obviously she has awakened your sex drive, but I think what you really need is a girlfriend close to your age.

I’m Struggling with Anxiety and OCD

Q I’m really having a hard time. I used to suffer from anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) as a teenager, but I eventually learned to manage them. Now I’m over 30 years old. However, after nearly two years of the pandemic, I have anxiety problems again. I also find it difficult to sleep. My GP referred me to cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), but there was a long waiting list and I couldn’t afford to go on my own. How can I cope? I was just trying to find a way to quell the OCD but I feel restless most of the time.

ONE I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time. Remember that you’ve learned to manage your anxiety before to be able to do so again, but it sounds like you need a little refresher on what worked. Exercise and daylight are important, as are human connections.

So take a daily walk (or swim or bike ride) and make time to meet (or talk) and confide in your close friends or partner. Being kind to yourself is also important, so don’t pile on the pressure with lots of ‘shoulds’ – instead, engage in relaxing activities like taking a hot shower or reading a good book.

You can also try phone apps like the NHS-approved Stress & Anxiety Companion (on the App Store or Google Play, from ¬£1.99 a month) to coach you in CBT and the free podcast No much happens to help you sleep. Even though you say you’re getting your OCD under control, it can be a debilitating condition that often requires specialist help and sometimes medication – which can also help reduce anxiety. So see your GP again if you’re starting to feel out of control and check out the charity for support.

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