In May 2022, Kevin Patrick Gleeson took his own life. He is in the process of annulling his marriage to his second wife, retired, leaving Woodside, Queens, where he has lived most of his life, and moving to Macon, Ga. He doesn’t know that love will uproot him once more months later.
“I went to every museum, every hiking trail and every Native American burial ground,” Mr. Gleeson said. “I walked a lot of trails, praying for someone like Lisa.”
While Mr. Gleeson, 63, had never tried online dating, in September he signed on to SilverSingles, a dating site for people over 50, and was immediately attracted to the lake. profile of Lisa Anne Felix Smartt. The picture of her hugging a pillow caught his eye. She “looks so cute,” he said.
Smartt was nearly 250 miles away, in Asheville, NC, when they began their correspondence, but within a week, her eldest daughter, who lives in Berkeley, California, became ill. Covid and is suffering from acute symptoms. This, coupled with the fact that her mother, ceramicist Susan Duhan Felix, was ill and in palliative care, brought Ms Smartt back to the city where she was born.
Smartt’s 28-year-old daughter is now Long Covid and had been diagnosed with encephalitis/chronic fatigue syndrome, which left her with symptoms such as extreme exhaustion and impaired mobility. Ms Smartt became a full-time carer for her now bedridden daughter, trying to visit her mother when she could.
It wasn’t necessarily the optimal time for a new relationship, as Ms. Smartt was “exhausted and depressed,” she said, “and at times paralyzed with grief over the condition of the two women I loved. dearest.”
Her correspondence with Mr. Gleeson became a great distraction. As they discussed the subject of spirituality, Mr. Gleeson wrote: “My life is a living prayer.”
“Smoking saint,” Smartt, also 63, thought to herself, using a saltier word than “smoke”. “I’ve done.”
Mr. Gleeson, who has been in rehab for drugs and alcohol for nearly 38 years, says that although he was raised Catholic, he does not attribute any belief system. Instead, he lives his life “as an act of gratitude.”
“As part of my recovery, I sat with inmates and with people in the mental hospital,” he said. “I do not pray formally, but I live a life of gratitude and service.”
The son of two Irish immigrants, Mr. Gleeson worked for the New York Police Department as an administrative graphic artist for nearly 18 years, where he designed their graphics.
He also played guitar in many Rolling Stones tribute bands, as Keith Richards. With the band Sticky Fingers, he has repeatedly toured Europe and other countries. Divorced twice, he has two adult sons and recently became a grandfather.
Smartt’s Jewish parents were New Yorkers who moved to Northern California, and were born in the same Queens Hospital as Mr. Gleeson. She graduated from the University of California, Berkeley and later earned a master’s degree in educational psychology from San Francisco State University.
As a survivor of childhood trauma and addiction, Ms. Smartt became interested in near-death experiences; she is the author of “Words at the Doorstep”; “Cante Bardo: A Song Between Lives”; and “The Veil: Poems From Across the Doorstep.”
“We began to communicate on a deep, intellectual level about our past, present and future, and our thoughts, beliefs and fears,” Ms. Smartt said.
They also shared about previous marriages. Ms. Smartt has an older daughter with her first husband; She and her second husband divorced in January 2020.
The email correspondence from Ms. Smartt and Mr. Gleeson soon totaled more than 100 pages.
“Kevin has a lot of soul and always tells me that he doesn’t consider himself as smart, because he is not as educated as I am,” Ms. Smartt said. “But he wrote me this wonderful poem and was very thoughtful.”
On the night of their first Zoom call, Mr Gleeson treated Ms. Smartt to a track of “Wild Horses” by the Rolling Stones and “If It Makes You Happy” by Sheryl Crow.
A new piano student, Miss Smartt, told him she had written a song, and they started working on it together.
Soon after, Mr. Gleeson read “Cante Bardo,” Ms. Smartt’s book about a flamenco singer.
“I fell in love with it,” he said. “Lisa’s text really spoke to me.”
(Interestingly, Ms. Smartt’s mother fell in love with her father, poet Morton Felix, while reading his poetry; she was afraid to meet him in person for fear it might damage the relationship. They have been married 54 years. years before his death.)
They started having Zoom dates nightly, 7pm Pacific Time, 10pm Eastern Time, so he could play a song for her when she finished her long days. take care of.
When she told her mother she was in love and introduced Mr Gleeson to Ms Felix on Zoom, Ms Smartt’s mother said: “You can’t tell if he’s the one until you kiss him. “.
Mr. Gleeson booked a flight and an apartment with views of the San Francisco Bay, with separate bedrooms so no guesswork. Ms Smartt asked one of her daughter’s friends to take care of her daughter in her absence.
On October 23, about a month after they first connected, Mr. Gleeson flew to the Bay Area. He quarantined for a few days upstairs at Miss Felix’s house, then took a Covid test before meeting Ms. Felix without showing his face. When he did, he and Miss Smartt kissed in front of her.
Mr. Gleeson played some Bob Dylan songs for Miss Felix, at her request, which he practiced, just for her.
Miss Felix did not hesitate to ask Mr. Gleeson’s intentions. She likes that he has both a solid pension and is an artist and musician. When he tells her that he also helps with housework, that’s all she needs.
“You should marry this guy,” Felix told her daughter. Later, when Mr. Gleeson knelt by Felix’s bed and proposed, Ms Smartt said: “I’d love to get engaged and then let’s take the time to get to know each other better.”
“For a while” turned out to be only three months.
Although Mr. Gleeson agreed that Ms. Smartt’s life was complicated, he was used to being a carer, he said.
No matter how much work he does on his own, Mr. Gleeson says there’s a part of him that feels stuck with who he is before he wakes up.
“Lisa made me the man I was supposed to be,” he said. “I haven’t felt so good about myself or my skin in over 40 years. She is magic to me.”
Ms Smartt said: “Kevin is magical, soulful, honest, caring, a survivor and has a kind heart. “We have found a safe space for open sharing and healing.”
Soon after, Mr. Gleeson took them both out of the Southeast, and drove his van west, dragging Ms. Smartt’s car behind. Together they rented a house in Sonoma.
While the couple initially planned to hold a larger wedding in Miss Felix’s backyard, the expected Covid outbreak after the holiday season worries them. The date remained the same but the wedding was scaled down to just five guests, plus two of Ms. Felix’s carers.
The couple were married on January 21 by Elizheva Hurvich, a close friend of Ms. Felix, who is pastor of Universal Life Church and rabbinic student, in Ms. Felix’s living room, where became her bedroom; she lay on the bed beside the white huppah tulle decorated with lavender roses; Miss Felix also wears a rose-like tiara like Frida Kahlo.
Six musicians from Saul Goodman’s Klezmer Band combined the Rolling Stones’ “Wild Horses” into a klezmer tune as the bride and groom made their way down the stairs.
Mr. Gleeson played a song he wrote for Miss Smartt, called “One,” underneath the huppah.
Miss Hurvich directed the couple to stoop to the front of the house to break the glass.
After the ceremony, the group walked a few blocks, turning onto University Avenue, where they danced spontaneously on the sidewalk, while passing cars honked their horns.
When they arrived at Montecristo Taqueria, everyone ordered from the menu and shared a tres leches.
There, Mr. Gleeson announced that he would take Smartt’s name, he said, “to clear up the misunderstanding.”
On this day
When January 21, 2023
Where The mother of the bride’s living room in Berkeley, Calif.
Happiness and difficulty “Although we are here to witness the joy, we acknowledge that our lives are complicated,” said Hurvich, the wedding coordinator, adding, “Who would have guessed? Is Lisa going to find love, and no other love but this one? In the midst of such difficulties, it is a testament to the miracle.”
What they wear The bride wore the white dress her mother wore to her own 50th wedding anniversary party. The groom wears a black suit, and when they leave the house, he wears a purple cap.
Mother’s Blessing The bride’s mother, Susan Duhan Felix, died on February 4, exactly two weeks after the wedding. She was 85.
