How grief camp can help children heal

Two years later, their mother enrolled them in school. Comfortable campsite, a nonprofit bereavement camp for children who have lost loved ones. The organization offers weekend camps for children affected by all types of loss, including some, like the one Aquilinos attended, that are specifically designed for children affected by loss. affected by suicide.

The sisters had attended other grief camps that weren’t a good fit for them, so they were skeptical about their first weekend at Comfort Zone, located about two hours from their hometown of Marlton, New Jersey.

According to research published in the journal, grief and death are often considered taboo topics, especially when it involves suicide or murder. Sociology of health and illness. Mourning these types of deaths is even more isolating, as many people, especially those not directly affected, are uncomfortable talking about the circumstances surrounding the death or even about the person who died.

The Aquilino sisters refrained from talking about their grief and feelings until they attended camp and found themselves surrounded by others with similar experiences.

“I do not like people. I’m afraid of meeting new people. But as time passed, I learned that other children had similar stories to mine, and I even met adults who were going through the same thing. My eyes opened to the realization that I was not alone. on this journey,” Addison said. Luck.

The sisters, now 18 and 19 years old, have returned to Comfort Zone every year since 2016, and consider their fellow campers and volunteer families to be what they are.

“I made friends with people I still talk to every day.” Addison said.

“The people in the camp are like biological family. We are connected in a deeper way.”

Jocelyn and Addison Aquilino

What is grief camp?

Bereavement camps have been around since the 1980s but grew in popularity in the 1990s and early 2000s. Since the COVID-19 pandemic, the demand for grief camps has increased.

Some Camp waiting lists have grown up to 100% since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, as about 43,000 American children have experienced the death of a parent due to Covid, according to JAMA. Experts say the pandemic has also increased deaths from other causes, such as opioid abuse and diabetes.

About six million children in America will experience the death of a parent or sibling before age 18.

In the book Bereavement camps for children and teensResearchers suggest that bereavement camp reduces symptoms of post-traumatic grief and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including denial, irritability, and constant fear or sadness in children after the loss of a parent.

Although there are many different types of grief camps, they all have the same goal of helping children process their grief while still allowing them to be kids.

“Grief is certainly a challenge in adulthood and can be a difficult concept for children to understand because it is a moving process with no end in sight,” said Mary FitzGerald, CEO. end”. Elunaan organization that supports children who are grieving or struggling with mental health issues.

Eluna was co-founded in 2000 by former Major League Baseball pitcher Jamie Moyer and children’s advocate Karen Phelps Moyer. In 2002, Eluna created Camp Erinlargest free bereavement program for children and teens in the United States and Canada, with locations in every Major League Baseball city.

“We encourage children to express themselves as they learn that it is okay to smile, laugh, and just be a kid while grieving,” says FitzGerald.

Children have a difficult time Navigate heavy emotions for a long time, which is why the camp is organized to provide fun activities in addition to the opportunity to deal with grief.

Camp Comfort Zone was founded in 1998 by Lynne Hughes, who hoped to give children a place to share sadness get rid of the taboo associated with such talk.

“We have a society that doesn’t really talk about grief, so it’s a closed topic and they’re conditioned not to bring it up because it makes other people uncomfortable,” she said. Luck.

Hughes lost her mother unexpectedly when she was 9, and three years later, her father also passed away.

Hughes said ever since she was a child, she had to make sure others felt comfortable knowing about her loss, even though it was difficult. hers. It’s always something I feel uncomfortable talking about, even when people say she can discuss it.

Hughes tried to live as normal a childhood as possible, despite the circumstances, and did what many young girls do: attend summer camp. From the age of nine, Hughes was drawn to the camp. She loves being a camper and interacting with “amazing camp counselors,” she said. As Hughes grew older, she pursued the sense of community and support she found at camp.

In college, she became a camp counselor at a co-ed summer camp in the Poconos––where she met her husband––and continued living the camp life into adulthood.

Hughes and her husband contemplated what they would do “when they grew up” and often wished that they could instead return to camp, where they met each other and that gave them a sense of community.

“I was acutely aware that there weren’t any resources [to help with grief] when I was growing up and still haven’t had it many years later,” Hughes said. “So I combined my love of camping with society’s unmet need, and Comfort Zone was born.”

What happens at grief camp?

Comfort Zone has all the usual camp elements, like s’mores, swimming, challenge courses, kayaking, arts and crafts, singing and campfires, Hughes said. But in between those activities, campers are also equipped with coping skills and time to reflect and share about their loved ones and their pain, if they choose.

Comfortable campsite

Licensed therapists lead what Comfort Zone calls healing circles or small grief support groups. During the healing circle, campers have the opportunity to tell their story or introduce their loved one with a photo or memory.

Young campers, also known as “little buddies,” are paired with older, more veteran campers, called “big buddies,” to help guide them through their experience and become become someone they can rely on. Friends are matched before camp based on personality and will often meet over the phone before arriving at camp.

Jocelyn has had a great friend for 5 years.

“She picks up the phone whenever I call her. She texted me on the anniversary of my dad’s death. I know that even though I’m not her little friend anymore and I’m an adult now, I still have a connection with her that I really don’t have with anyone else,” she said.

Campers also participate in a ceremony Comfort Zone calls the Circle of Remembrance, where they write messages to their deceased loved ones and throw them into the fire.

“We talk about smoke carrying messages to our loved ones. Sometimes it’s really emotional for the kids because fire safety and the safety of this community, they can cry if they need to,” Hughes said.

On the last day of camp, parents came to pick up their children and everyone attended the memorial service, where campers honored their loved ones. Some choose to sing a loved one’s favorite song, read a poem, or tell a deceased parent’s favorite joke –– jokes that some young campers may not fully understand, but the crowd Parents and older kids certainly understand, Hughes says.

Hughes said many campers show up with an “invisible backpack full of rocks,” like they are carrying a heavy load because “unexpressed grief goes nowhere.” After telling their stories and sharing what they were comfortable with, Hughes said the difference between them was like night and day.

“They became lighter and brighter, almost like their backpack of rocks had fallen and been thrown away,” Hughes said.

“When they see their child again [on the last day of camp], many parents will ask ‘What did you do? This is the first time I’ve seen a real smile.”

Parents are also taught strategies used in camp that they can reinforce at home and help their child continue the healing process.

“The real emotions come after camp, where you just need time to decompress and get back into the real world, instead of this nice little bubble of grief,” says Addison.

Addison and Jocelyn Aquilino

A ‘special place’ to not feel lonely

Sometimes the greatest feat for children is not going to camp but leaving it, Hughes said.

“Ultimately, we have to explain to parents that this is a place where everyone is kind and uplifting, and you almost have to prepare them for the disappointment of coming back and the future,” Hughes said. Working with people who don’t understand that.”

Because of this, Hughes said they emphasize the importance of staying connected to friends throughout the year and remind campers that they can always come back to camp.

This year was the first time Jocelyn became a big friend, mentoring a new camper throughout the weekend.

“It was so satisfying to finally be able to be a support person for someone and meet this little girl who had been through so much but was still so excited to meet me and come to camp,” Jocelyn said.

It is important for people of all ages, especially young children, to have people with whom they feel comfortable enough to share their feelings and confide in their grief, especially people who understand. Okay. For many kids, that happens at camp.

“Because grief doesn’t go away, children, like adults, will re-grieve throughout their lives, so it’s important to learn how to integrate grief into our lives and Don’t run away from it.”

“Making new friends and having fun at camp can help children process their grief and not dishonor the deceased.”

The Aquilinos said they have no plans to stop participating in Comfort Zone, especially since they can volunteer at any age. To them, it’s bigger than a camp.

“It’s our special place. Once you are there, you are part of the family. It’s a forever thing,” Addison said.