Buy energy drinks It’s embarrassing in public. Every time I see someone scanning the fridge for their favorite Monster or Ghost flavor, I make a guess as to which vape flavor they’ve chosen to go with it, and I know others are making the same assumption about me when I score a can of Celsius to beat a hangover or get a lift before a 10-hour brewing shift.
The good news is that it’s easier than ever to buy your favorite soda from Amazon, and the great news is that you don’t have to wear Crocs and Cookie Monster pajamas to do it. Add to that a small discount for buying in bulk and setting up automatic delivery, and you’re basically getting paid to never leave the house. The future is here, and it’s been enhanced with B vitamins, red dye, and taurine.
As a coffee drinker, I often feel like New Yorker film critic Pauline Kael when I see neon-colored energy drinks taking up shelf space above my favorite Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew at my local Sheetz. Energy drinks are big business—They grossed nearly $20 billion in the United States alone in 2023.—but I don’t know anyone who drinks them regularly.
A good cup of coffee is hard to come by at odd hours in the middle of nowhere. Energy drinks, on the other hand, don’t have to be fancy. At any hour of the day, you can pick up a fancy can that clearly advertises its caffeine content, spend a few dollars, and be whisked away into space with a few sips. Homebodies and shopaholics don’t even have to leave the house to score amazing deals with lightning-fast delivery on their favorite brands, as long as they’re an Amazon Prime member.
I like the value, convenience, and caffeine so I finally gave in.
Still thirsty? Check out our other beverage-related guides, including Best Coffee Subscription And Best Non Alcoholic Wine.
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How we tested
Over the course of 21 days, I tried 30 different energy drinks from a combination of gas station staples, brands that Amazon’s algorithm was promoting heavily that day, everything in the Whole Foods ad section that advertised caffeine content, and a few oddballs from the past that you might not remember.
I based my scores on taste, which is obviously subjective, and the noticeable caffeine effect after drinking a can at 8:30 a.m. every morning after my daily 1.5-mile run with my dog. The leftover cans of coffee were used up in two hours of work at my part-time barista job. I took a day off during the test due to severe stomach cramps and terrible night sweats. If there’s a Ghost-addicted gamer in your basement reading this, consider giving them a health check or refill. close at least.
1. Celsius Functional Essential Energy Drink
While less carbonated than most energy drinks, Celsius has a strong taste without a cloying aftertaste, and it does a great job of masking the medicinal notes found in similarly strong drinks. It’s an absolute powerhouse when it comes to caffeine-to-volume ratio, and none of the flavors I tried were objectively bad.
Celsius is a hot new brand for a reason, and it’s no surprise to see entire refrigerators filled with the brand’s catalog right next to the checkout counter at a large number of gas stations. The can has a lot of text that I’ll never read, but it’s attractive and not too video game or health scam-y to deter potential buyers who are concerned about being seen in public with an energy drink. Like the Beatles or In-N-Out, it’s a consensus choice that everyone agrees on.
